


7 Minutes in Heaven

by that_one_urchin



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drunken Kissing, F/F, First Kiss, Kissing, Pining, Pining Lexi Howard, Seven Minutes In Heaven Game, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 18:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21040526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_urchin/pseuds/that_one_urchin
Summary: The second worst-kept secret at school is this: Rue doesn’t love Lexi back.





	7 Minutes in Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> It’s... just angst

Almost everyone is drunk when Maddy suggests they play Seven Minutes in Heaven.

People are fumbling their way into making an oval shape on the floor and someone is grabbing an empty beer bottle. Lexi, one of the few who remain sober, is about ready to leave. She would have gone hours ago, as soon as Nate took his shirt off and started taking out his daddy issues on a keg. Lexi doesn’t have time for anyone’s bullshit. 

“I wanna play.” Rue slurs, leaning over just enough that her mouth slides right across Lexi’s neck and smearing sticky cocktail liquid along the skin. Lexi reluctantly finds a spot in the circle, her face burning the same color as the solo cup in Rue’s hand.

Maybe she does have time for someone’s bullshit.

The embarrassing truth of the matter is, Lexi only came to this party for Rue. Jules leaving marks the beginning of this little bubble Lexi has started to live in - a bubble where Rue clings to her late at night and calls her in the mornings for unhealthy breakfasts. Lexi is bored, sober, and dressed ridiculously, and it’s all for Rue. Which is stupid (Lexi is stupid, really, because Rue would never look at her like that), but Lexi’s heart still jumps when Rue curls around her arm and squeezes tight. 

“Lex?” Rue asks in a whisper, voice all too sweet for someone who’s breaking Lexi’s heart. “Do you wanna kiss someone?”

She breaks into a fit of giggles that sounds like sobs. Her whole body is offbeat, her mascara is smeared down to her cheekbones and her back shakes as if she were in freezing cold weather. It’s a drunk laugh, forced out by alcohol and the need to fight the abandonment Rue probably still feels. 

It makes Lexi want to laugh too, in that sad way Rue does, because if Rue still feels alone then Lexi (right at her side, ready to stay forever at the first order Rue gives) still isn’t enough. 

Lexi leans forward, grips the neck of the bottle and silently wishes it was full. A drink would do her more good than this game right now, but she shuts her eyes and spins anyways. All she sees is darkness behind her eyelids, but she hears the faint noise of the glass against the wooden floor until it skids to a stop and the partygoers react accordingly. People react excitedly and Lexi tenses. Rue keeps on giggling into her ear.

Eventually, Lexi allows her eyes to slip open. She already knows what’s happened before she even sees the bottle. She can sense it, the way you can feel someone approaching even in the dark. Lexi knows life’s cruelty all too well and she feels it sneaking up on her, gets that chill along her spine seconds before it’s revealed the bottle is pointed at Rue.

“You’re like the Joker.” Lexi comments, a little exasperated with Rue’s laughing state. 

Everyone is watching (a fact Lexi doesn’t want to dwell on, because she knows that her crush on Rue is the worst-kept secret at school), so Lexi gets up and yanks Rue up along with her. She unfortunately remembers where the closet is because of an awkward seven minutes with a blonde boy during freshman year. Lexi leads Rue there and, once the door is shut, wishes that she also remembered where the light switch is.

All Lexi wants to do is turn on the lights and get rid of some of the awkwardness. For now, she just feels the slight warmth of Rue’s breath in the unbelievably small closet and gets the odd sense that she’s being stared at. She can smell Rue, too. Well, not Rue, but the alcohol. These days, there really is no difference. The sharp scent has masked everything else - but Lexi still yearns to inhale and have it spread fully across her senses. Fucked up or not, it’s still Rue. 

Despite her wants, Lexi stays put. She’s not stupid. The second worst-kept secret at school is this: Rue doesn’t love Lexi back.

“Do…” Rue starts, then trails off immediately. “Do you remember?” 

Rue’s voice sounds serious, but Lexi smiles at her verbal stumbling and responds teasingly anyways. “Do I remember the 21st night of September? Yes.” 

A disgruntled noise comes from across the closet. Lexi pictures Rue rolling her eyes.

“Fuck off.” She replies, no real malice there. “Do you remember Halloween? When we used to dress up as detectives?”

Lexi’s forces her face to scrunch up in slight disgust. It’s an instinct, now. She had spent too long pretending to hate those crumpled photos of them. They were stupid and embarrassing, but sometimes Lexi can remember what it was like to have Rue’s arms thrown around her and Rue’s laughter (her clear, sober laughter) in her ear. There’s no need to lie about her love for her childhood since no one can see her, but even the dark doesn’t feel safe.

“Vaguely. Yeah.” Lexi lies, ignoring the way her heart swells at the reminder.

Rue hums quietly. There’s the sound of some shifting and Lexi instinctively steps back until her back presses fully against the wall, but Rue reaches her anyways. 

“Are you gonna kiss me?”

“W-What?” Lexi had forgotten how quickly Rue changes the subject when she was drunk.

“It’s Seven Minutes in Heaven.” Rue says, her hand skimming against the edge of Lexi’s arm. Rue is reckless like this, unable to notice that all of this is not only unfunny, but cruel. “Isn’t it?”

Lexi swallows. She feels as if the noise echoes in the silence of the room, but Rue says nothing as she waits for Lexi’s response.

“Do you want me to?”

“I want you to wanna kiss me so bad that you don’t even ask.” Rue replies. There’s a slight chuckle to her voice, but Lexi doesn’t see the joke. It sounds as if Rue is reciting something, but if she is Lexi is too locked up in her sudden anxiety to notice it. 

So, Lexi kisses Rue. 

She wishes she could say that it was perfect, but it isn’t. Lexi is afraid and she does it too quick. It doesn’t even really feel as if she’s kissing Rue. Sure, she feels the lips and her mouth tingles from the touch of another human, but it’s not really Rue. There’s alcohol on Lexi’s mouth as soon as she does it and it’s over in seconds, because the strong taste reminds Lexi that Rue is drunk. 

Guilt floods her as she leans away. It was only a peck, but Lexi is taking advantage of her. Maybe Rue is taking advantage of her, too, but Lexi is the only one sober enough to feel bad about it. 

Lexi stares out into the dark void where she should be able to see Rue. It’s silent for several long seconds before Rue finally breaks it with a quiet sigh.

“I miss that.” Rue admits. Those words are vague, but they’re heavy enough to make Lexi’s shoulders sag. She gets the feeling the sentence isn’t about her.

“What?” Lexi asks, keeping her tone bright and light-hearted. “The costumes?”

Rue shakes her head. “No. Feeling happy. I haven’t felt that way since Jules.”

Lexi silently slides down to the floor as Rue goes on with her confession. 

“I miss her.”

“I know.” Lexi replies, feeling defeated. 

“I wish I went with her.”

Lexi breathes in and out slowly. She tries to swallow down the lump in her throat, but her eyes still sting with tears. “I know.”

A tear slips out of her eye and leaves a hot trail down her face. As Lexi feels it reach her chin, she silently swears to herself to never cry over Rue Bennett again. It’s a lie.

Rue drops down to the floor and join Lexi. Rue is much more open about the fact that she’s crying, too. She has no secret to hide. Lexi tries to stay still for as long as possible, but she hears Rue’s little sob and immediately collects Rue’s body into her arms. They curl up into each other easily because they’ve done it so much.

“It’s okay.” Lexi says. Her voice is rough, but Rue is tucked under her chin and clinging to her - and isn’t this what Lexi wanted? “I’ve got you.”

It’s almost stupid, how Rue nuzzles into her and rests her head on Lexi’s chest. She must be able to hear Lexi’s heartbeat. The unsteady thud of it, the way it speeds up when Rue gets so close. Rue would be able to notice it all, if only she would pay attention to Lexi for once. 

Apparently, today is not the day Rue pays attention. Maybe that day will never come.

“I’ve got you.” Lexi whispers again, smoothing her hand down Rue’s back.

**Author's Note:**

> Voting is almost over but u can vote for what Rexi fic u want next on my Twitter:
> 
> https://twitter.com/thatoneurchin/status/1183274185885249542?s=21


End file.
